There is so much snow--all so beautiful and sparkling. It is almost blinding as I look out my window now, but in a good way. I have so enjoyed my two snow days. I was able to sleep in, catch up on Lost, and play in the snow. Then, I would come in to eat dinner, drink hot cocoa, and watch a movie. Can it get any better?? I had to do some shoveling, but mostly my brother took care of that :) I was frolicking in my yard, jumping down our hills, sled riding, or going on a snow adventure with my brother. You feel exhausted by the end of the day. But it feels good and right. It is that same feeling you get after swimming all day in the summer. I love it. I don't think I'll ever get over the joy of a snow day :)
Tonight, I'm going to the Snowball, so I guess I'll be getting ready for that soon. Other than that, I really don't think I'm doing much for the rest of the weekend. Church tomorrow and a little homework. Cannot wait for spring break!!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Uneasiness
Sometimes I wonder if I try hard enough in my classes. I used to be sure that I did, but now I wonder if I'm really doing my best. In high school, I knew I could get A's in all my classes if I put some effort into them. The only classes that I had to work my butt off in were my math classes. I took all the advanced math classes, including Calc AP. I do not say this in a bragging way at all--trust me. I just wonder if it was worth it. Wait, scratch that. It was definitely the right thing for me to do. I had the intelligence, I just had to work a little harder. And, I should work hard. I know this post is a little all over the place, but it is only because I truly do not know what I think about it all.
I got my one and only panic attack in Algebra II in ninth grade. I blanked out on one of Mr. Boone's quizzes. It was all word problems and i had absolutely no idea how to figure any of them out. I could feel my body start to react. I really don't know how to describe it, except to say it was the weirdest and most disconcerting feeling--not pleasant to say the least. The funny thing is I did really well on that quiz. I took deep breaths and somehow managed to calm myself down. I dimmed the neon sign in my head that was flashing FAIL FAIL FAIL and I made my way up to Mr. Boone's desk to ask a question of clarification. I sat back down and I figured out how to do each problem. Then, there was Mrs. Harper's Geometry Advanced. I had that class right after lunch. On day's when we had a test, I found it hard to eat. Trig the next year was easier--Mrs. Rizotski was so sweet and I must admit her tests were pretty easy. Senior year's Calc AP was pretty rough, but I didn't stress myself out too much for it. I think I just let senioritis settle in a little bit. I made it through high school math fine--A's and a few B+'s.
Now that I'm in college, I feel some relief. In most of my classes I have confidence that, as long a s I study, I can get an A. The reason why I am even reflecting on all of this junk is that last semester I didn't get all A's. I got all A's and one C+. I have never gotten anything lower than a B+ my whole life. Even through all the stress and worry of my tough high school math--not once did I come close to that. What makes it worse is that this was not a difficult math class. This dark spot on my GPA came from a core English Lit. I worked hard in that class, and I've always been complimented on my writing. I certainly do not think I am an excellent writer, but then again I do not think I deserved a C+. Rita Dibble told us that no one got A's in her class. Where is the motivation in that?? If you've had the ornate pleasure of meeting Ms Dibble, and you find her to be a lovely woman, I can understand that. She can appear very pleasant. I like to call it sugar coated meanness. I learned absolutely nothing in that class. When she handed back papers, there were no suggestions for improvement. It was whether she liked it or not. It was whether or not you shared the same opinion on the literature we were analyzing. What right does she have in giving me a C+? As you can tell, I still haven't gotten over this. I am mad as I write this post. I sent her two e-mails requesting my grade on our final paper--no response. The reason I did this is because even with her whack grading system, I did not have a C+ going into the final. I also wrote an optional paper and attended two extra credit events and wrote on those to help my grade. I am debating on sending her a third e-mail.
Then I have these other thoughts where I tell myself to let it go--that a grade is not worth this. I haven't let go yet because I'm still so upset over it, and then I'm upset for being upset over such a minuscule problem. I need to let it go. I know this, but I struggle with it. Why do I struggle with it?? Why when people are suffering with disease and grief and so many other sorrowful crosses to bear do I care about my English grade? I think it is because I feel that I did not deserve it. Her grading was so subjective--it is not like failing a test. When you get a 65 on a math test, you know what you did wrong. If you fail a test in any other class, you probably didn't study and you just need to take full responsibility for that. This is different. It just is. However, like I said before I need to let it go. A bad grade is so meaningless in the scheme of things. When I am on my deathbed someday, I think I can safely say that this will be far removed from my mind, but still... Oh, I don't know. Before I go, I need to say something. Rita Dibble is a bitch and I hate her for ruining my GPA and I hate that she has the power to get me upset months later about it. I hate that I'm writing about her in this blog--I hate that I'm acknowledging all this. But, it happened and I need to stop letting it bother me. I have so much to be grateful for. I have such a wonderful life and I'm ashamed that I even had to spend time writing about this. I think I thought it would be a relief to write it all out--that it would help me to forget it. I'm not really sure it did, but I think I'm moving in the right direction.
I got my one and only panic attack in Algebra II in ninth grade. I blanked out on one of Mr. Boone's quizzes. It was all word problems and i had absolutely no idea how to figure any of them out. I could feel my body start to react. I really don't know how to describe it, except to say it was the weirdest and most disconcerting feeling--not pleasant to say the least. The funny thing is I did really well on that quiz. I took deep breaths and somehow managed to calm myself down. I dimmed the neon sign in my head that was flashing FAIL FAIL FAIL and I made my way up to Mr. Boone's desk to ask a question of clarification. I sat back down and I figured out how to do each problem. Then, there was Mrs. Harper's Geometry Advanced. I had that class right after lunch. On day's when we had a test, I found it hard to eat. Trig the next year was easier--Mrs. Rizotski was so sweet and I must admit her tests were pretty easy. Senior year's Calc AP was pretty rough, but I didn't stress myself out too much for it. I think I just let senioritis settle in a little bit. I made it through high school math fine--A's and a few B+'s.
Now that I'm in college, I feel some relief. In most of my classes I have confidence that, as long a s I study, I can get an A. The reason why I am even reflecting on all of this junk is that last semester I didn't get all A's. I got all A's and one C+. I have never gotten anything lower than a B+ my whole life. Even through all the stress and worry of my tough high school math--not once did I come close to that. What makes it worse is that this was not a difficult math class. This dark spot on my GPA came from a core English Lit. I worked hard in that class, and I've always been complimented on my writing. I certainly do not think I am an excellent writer, but then again I do not think I deserved a C+. Rita Dibble told us that no one got A's in her class. Where is the motivation in that?? If you've had the ornate pleasure of meeting Ms Dibble, and you find her to be a lovely woman, I can understand that. She can appear very pleasant. I like to call it sugar coated meanness. I learned absolutely nothing in that class. When she handed back papers, there were no suggestions for improvement. It was whether she liked it or not. It was whether or not you shared the same opinion on the literature we were analyzing. What right does she have in giving me a C+? As you can tell, I still haven't gotten over this. I am mad as I write this post. I sent her two e-mails requesting my grade on our final paper--no response. The reason I did this is because even with her whack grading system, I did not have a C+ going into the final. I also wrote an optional paper and attended two extra credit events and wrote on those to help my grade. I am debating on sending her a third e-mail.
Then I have these other thoughts where I tell myself to let it go--that a grade is not worth this. I haven't let go yet because I'm still so upset over it, and then I'm upset for being upset over such a minuscule problem. I need to let it go. I know this, but I struggle with it. Why do I struggle with it?? Why when people are suffering with disease and grief and so many other sorrowful crosses to bear do I care about my English grade? I think it is because I feel that I did not deserve it. Her grading was so subjective--it is not like failing a test. When you get a 65 on a math test, you know what you did wrong. If you fail a test in any other class, you probably didn't study and you just need to take full responsibility for that. This is different. It just is. However, like I said before I need to let it go. A bad grade is so meaningless in the scheme of things. When I am on my deathbed someday, I think I can safely say that this will be far removed from my mind, but still... Oh, I don't know. Before I go, I need to say something. Rita Dibble is a bitch and I hate her for ruining my GPA and I hate that she has the power to get me upset months later about it. I hate that I'm writing about her in this blog--I hate that I'm acknowledging all this. But, it happened and I need to stop letting it bother me. I have so much to be grateful for. I have such a wonderful life and I'm ashamed that I even had to spend time writing about this. I think I thought it would be a relief to write it all out--that it would help me to forget it. I'm not really sure it did, but I think I'm moving in the right direction.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Love, love, love
Happy Valentine's Day!! I so love Valentine's Day--I think it is an absolutely delicious holiday. I'm not dating anyone right now, so I didn't have any huge plans, but it was still a wonderful weekend. I hung out with friends and family and I still got lots and lots of little Valentine treats and trinkets :) I love all the hype, the decorations, and all the red and pink. It is simply enchanting in every way. I'll post the lyrics to Taylor Swift's new song--enjoy!!
Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Sickness
Okay, I'm not going to lie, I have been sick all week and I am going to write about it. You do not have to read it. I realize no one really likes to hear about this stuff, but right now, I don't really care. I went to bed Monday night with an upset stomach. I really didn't think too much of it, even though my dad and my brother both had a terrible stomach virus a few days earlier. I figured I had beat it with all of my precautions (vix around the nose, constant washing of hands, keeping safe distance, etc). I was so very wrong. I never went to bed that night. My stomach only got worse--probably the worse stomach ache of my liffffe. I wanted to throw up, do anything to get some relief. I finally puked around 4 am. My dad came up and comforted me--he was so sweet. My mom would've come, but she didn't hear me moving around. So, finally, I had some relief, right? Absolutely not. The stomach ache came back within three minutes, at the most. I sat up and rocked myself until I threw up again, and then again. By this time my mom was there comforting me too and holding my hair back--she is my angel. Anyway, the next morning I was running a high temp and my stomach still felt awful. I was out of it all day, but the highlight of it all was definitely me blacking out midday. Not being able to move my hands afterwards takes second...for sure. Okay, now it is Thursday and I am definitely feeling a little better. So, again, I apologize for going on so. I can't even remember the last time I was this sick, but I had everyone taking such good care of me, and I must admit, I love all the TLC :)
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